2011...

Ok...It's 2011. Two thousand eleven. It's a weird sounding year isn't it. I mean we're past the 05, 08, 09 kind of years --- we can just say it's 11. Or can we? At the beginning of a year everything seems so different, but it really isn't. It's a flip of a calendar, the change of one numeric figure in a string of numbers we see often. Yet - when a new year comes we have this opportunity (or for some of us...challenge) to see chances for resolutions. I've never been good at the resolutions thing. I think I have talked about it before. Whether you call it goal-setting, resolutions, self-inspection or reflection... I'm not good at it. I am typically so go-with-the-flow, easy does it, that those other ideas seem so "out there" to me. Or at least they have been. What I've begun to discover (at the end of last year) it that I haven't been a goal-setter, or introspective, or even just really had or taken time for myself. I don't say that in a selfish kind of way (which is how I've always seen it), but I guess it's just become a realization. Don't get me wrong - I have it good --- really good --- ok, pretty great... I love my husband, my family, my friends, school and what God has called me to... Yet I have come to realize that I don't ever really get time to turn off and just do "me" time very often. Or at least I don't take the time to do that. I wonder why? That's a question I have been thinking about lately. Is is that I don't take time, or that I don't want to take time? Is it that I'm not a goal-setter, or that I don't want to be a goal-setter? Is it that I'm not introspective, or that I don't want to be introspective? (HA! That's a funny question for someone who isn't introspective huh?)

I guess that's my point. This year --- 2011 --- in as deliberate as I am about longing to be a good wife and mom and friend and student and youth pastor and whatever else is a role I have... I want to be a good me. I want to learn a little about what really makes me tick - re-discover things that I just like to do for fun (sorry babe --- it's not a bowling league). Actually it's bigger than that (although I think that's part of it). There were many times in the latter part of this year when I was challenged about what I do that I just like to do... or fills my tank... what do I do for Sabbath-rest. What do I do that allows me to turn off for a while and just refuel? Hmmmm... it's bigger than "just" reading my Bible and praying... I think I've almost lost that ability to "rest" --- to just "be" --- to do things I just like to do... I feel a little like I'm rambling, because I'm still working through it in my head... but I know that I need to. Which I guess means I need to be introspective...

I raised the idea of the 40-days of blogging again to my friends and fam at dinner New Years Eve. I needed a kick-start to get back at it. But it's funny --- there's a part of me that doesn't want it to just be 40-days. I'm thinking 60... 90... And just like I want to be committed to doing this...I want to be committed to, in the midst of all this year brings my way, introspection...goal-setting...resting... I saw the question somewhere this week of "how are you different today than you were a year ago?" The non-introspective me doesn't exactly know how to answer that question... The thinking-I-need-to-be-introspective me believes I want to know how to answer that question... Maybe next year I'll just be the able-to-answer-that-question me ...

So...2011. Day 1 is done. 364 left. I wonder what's in store for us... I'm not sure what is in store for me this year. I can look ahead and see lots of great opportunities of fun and amazing things to do with family and friends... I see finishing my bachelor's degree - finally... I see things that are going to be bumpy roads where I'll need to hold on tight to Him to get through (ok, so I need to hold on tight to Him in those fun amazing times as well!)... So, here we go. Along for the ride, together...to embrace and live and reflect on whatever it is that God brings our way this year...