2nd day in a row...

OK...remember the laughing at yourself thing. So --- two more things that were just brainless on my part --- first...a little background. The door handle to one of the back doors to the van is broken off. One broke before we left Atlanta, and Kia replaced it under the warranty. Just after the warranty expired, the other one broke...and they wouldn't fix it. Long story short, we have no handle on one of our doors. I have been opening the door from the inside if I open that side at all. So last night, I go to open the door. Then I'm trying to reach back to help close it, and hit the child lock, then close the door. No big deal, right? WRONG! I've just locked the door from the inside - and I can't open the door from the outside. I've laughed at myself all day.

So, tonight I'm thinking about how I should update the blog to add another mindless thing I did - I stop @ the grocery store to pick up birthday treats for Kaylee's class tomorrow, and then get back in the van to come home. I'm kind of thinking in my head about how funny it is that I'm going to write about doing something "not so smart" again - 2nd day in a row - and laughing...when I realize I'm not heading home, and I'm heading back into town towards church. And I'm laughing that much harder.

I told a friend about it, and she told me I need to go to bed, and start all over the morning. I don't think it's sleep deprivation. I think I'm just losing my mind - HA!HA! It's a good thing I make myself laugh!!! I wonder what I'll do tomorrow...

Do you ever laugh at yourself?

OK...last night - I was literally laughing and in tears at the same time. I don't know even now how I did it. We were cleaning up the kitchen, and I went to close the pantry door. I was talking to Steve and turned to say something at the same time I was closing the door (are you starting to picture this...) Yep - I slammed that door right into the side of my nose as I turned. Even writing this I don't feel like I'm describing it right for you to picture it --- but I can tell you I heard a crack and saw stars, and had to stand leaning up against the wall for a little while. I didn't want to laugh because it hurt so bad (it still hurts today). Then I'd laugh because it was so ridiculous and hysterical.

I also came up with one of my infamous Michelle-isms (Steve loves making fun of me with these). I think what I said last night was "golly schmolly"! That is worth a laugh all by itself.

I did the same thing a couple of days ago when I was rearranging furniture and was pushing our sleeper sofa across the room. That was hysterical! Why did I think I could just move a sleeper sofa by myself? I kept laughing because I'd push the couch as hard as I could and it would move, oh, an inch or so. One time I pushed so hard but it didn't move and I fell over it onto the cushions. I was cracking up...all by myself.

I admit it - I can be a mess. I can be goofy. I can be, well, stupid. (I don't use that word very often, mostly because I have tried to get the kids not to say it...but sometimes, there's just not another word.) I mean really, who closes the door on their nose? And then talks about it on a blog? Do you ever do something like that? If nothing else, I hope you laugh at yourself sometimes. Whether you do something funny (or stupid), or someone makes fun of you (and it really is funny), or you just need to laugh - do it! Laugh out loud! I can tell you from experience it's a blast!!

I wonder...

Sometimes I wonder what other people think about me. Do they think I'm nuts? Do they think I'm selfish? Do they think I'm materialistic? Do they think I am scattered? Do they think I...it sounds like my life is based on what other people think - but that's not it. I guess more of what I wonder is...do people see on the outside what is the beating of my heart - the things that are most important to me - the things that I can't survive and live without - family, friends, Christ. Really - the rest is fluff. Icing on the cake. I wonder sometimes when I get caught up in just trying to get through a moment if people honestly see how much I really want to get to know them and be "all there" in that moment. I wonder at the end of the day how I could have done things differently to let Steve, the kids, my family & friends know how much they mean to me.

I was just watching tv, and thinking about all those who have to see their faces or hear their names on the news. How do they get through the day, knowing that their every move is under a microscope? That every thing they do or say is being watched and could be used as "entertainment" or "news" at the end of the day. God bless them for stepping into that. Sometimes it's willingly, and sometimes not so willingly. But think of all the different faces you see in the midst of a newscast. Whoa! And this is how we gauge how the "world" is doing? By those the news deem important enough to chronicle for us...and I supposed by those we deem important enough to google, or read about, or talk about. Then - we spend time talking about it - whether its sports, news stories, the latest hot topic - we jump right in as well. Why? Bottom line - all of our lives are being watched - by the people around us...and by Him.

I wonder if Jesus is proud of how I made it through the day. Because ultimately it's about Him - it's not about me. I just want Him to have accomplished in and through me what He wanted to...and many times I think I get in the way of that. Whether it's not making the most of my time, or getting caught up in making a moment vs. enjoying the moment, or just being busy --- I've been thinking about how much I miss in the midst of all there is to do. Reality is, there will always be things that need to get done. I just truly truly want to be able to sit down at the end of the day with no regrets about the time I spent with those I love most. I'm the only wife and mom of my family. They need me. And I'm the only me - and He created me with a plan in mind - one to give me hope and a future --- I hope I experience all of that. Lord - help me to see what You have for me today and everyday. Thanks for loving me - never giving up on me - and knowing that the desire of my heart is to know You more, be what You have designed me to be, and do what You want me to do.