The air I breathe...

I was almost at the airport (w/ Jenna) to pick up Kevin when we found out his flight was going to be late (hmmm....I should blog that story as well). Anyway - Jenna and I had about 1 1/2-2 hours to fill up. First thought - IKEA - how is that ever a bad idea? We could walk around and dream and eat and goof. But --- Jenna has never been to Oregon. And since we're throwing all we can her & Kevin's way, why not add one more. No IKEA for us - we're off to The Vista House & Multnomah Falls.

Last time I went w/ our family, Steve was in the parking lot running at full speed and getting moved backwards. It was so hysterically funny & scary at the same time. Yesterday was completely different. The sun was warm and resting on our faces - the sky was blue (a little hazy from wildfire ash but beautiful) - the temperature was perfect - and there was a slight breeze that felt fabulous. The view - gorgeous.

But something struck me as I got out of the car for the first time. The air was amazingly refreshing. To the point that you just wanted to close your eyes and just take a deep breath and let it all envelope you. I did. I couldn't help it. I just closed my eyes, pointed my face upward (I'm not sure why) and just took a number of really really deep fabulous breaths. I could feel refreshment to my toenails. I couldn't help but smile. I wanted to just linger there...I told Jenna let's just send for everyone else to come here. Who cares about food or sleeping bags or anything. It's just amazing and I don't want to let it pass. I don't want to miss it. I don't want to go too fast and slip from this very place. This - right here, right now - was the only place I wanted to be, and I wanted others to be there with me.

Last night we had a Prayer Gathering at church. We weren't too far into it when I thought - hmmmmm... when was the last time I could say in seeking God I just was ready to just drink Him in. I mean have Him and Him alone satisfy a hunger and thirst for the knowledge of Him - of His presence - to the point that I literally didn't want to leave that place. That I knew I had met Him right there and then and there was absolutely no doubt about it. By saying this I'm not saying that I'm not spending time with Him (or that I'm trying to by saying the last sentence qualify my recent experiences with the one and only Creator of me and all in the universe)...I'm just saying - do I linger in those places where I know He is? Do I rush through the moment only to have me looking back wishing I'd stayed? May it never be.

Even now sitting on my couch I can take a deep breath and almost hit that place. But not quite. There was nothing like it I had experienced in a little while. And personally - it made me just want to stay. It made me just want to linger in His presence, I mean really linger there and adore Him, worship Him, hear from Him. I remember earlier this summer being @ Youthquake and identifying one word to my spiritual journey at the time - I said plateaued. Not bad. Just slow and steady wins the race. But today, as a result of breathing fresh air, recent prayer and longing of my heart...the Holy Spirit calling me... I can honestly say I'm starting to move to a different place. There have been times in the last nearly 25 years (whoa - 25 years? really? I've been a Christian nearly 25 years?? Um....ok, wait, I can't process that right now) when I know He's called me to a deeper place with Him. It's kinda like I'm starting that climb, and even though I'm not at all one of those to jump into physical challenge... I'm exited about climbing this hill/mountain/whatever before me. I know He's calling me to what's ahead that I can't see...and I know I'll meet Him there. I know He's taken me by the hand and is taking me there.



Last night at a Prayer Gathering at church we had time to just pray alone. And sitting there felt His presence close - holding me and speaking. He sent me directly to 1 Peter 1-2. And I got lost there. What are we being called to? Who are we being drawn to? What are we to leave behind for His sake? So...click the video...to breathe Him in...and read His word as you ask Him to speak to you...and may you feel the breeze of His presence refreshingly fill you from the inside out that you may love and adore Him more...

1 Peter 1

1Peter, an apostle of Jesus Christ,
To God's elect, strangers in the world, scattered throughout Pontus, Galatia, Cappadocia, Asia and Bithynia, 2who have been chosen according to the foreknowledge of God the Father, through the sanctifying work of the Spirit, for obedience to Jesus Christ and sprinkling by his blood:
Grace and peace be yours in abundance.

Praise to God for a Living Hope

3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, 5who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. 6In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 8Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 9for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.
10Concerning this salvation, the prophets, who spoke of the grace that was to come to you, searched intently and with the greatest care, 11trying to find out the time and circumstances to which the Spirit of Christ in them was pointing when he predicted the sufferings of Christ and the glories that would follow. 12It was revealed to them that they were not serving themselves but you, when they spoke of the things that have now been told you by those who have preached the gospel to you by the Holy Spirit sent from heaven. Even angels long to look into these things.

Be Holy

13Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed. 14As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. 15But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; 16for it is written: "Be holy, because I am holy."[a]
17Since you call on a Father who judges each man's work impartially, live your lives as strangers here in reverent fear. 18For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your forefathers, 19but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect. 20He was chosen before the creation of the world, but was revealed in these last times for your sake. 21Through him you believe in God, who raised him from the dead and glorified him, and so your faith and hope are in God.

22Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply, from the heart.[b] 23For you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable, through the living and enduring word of God. 24For,
"All men are like grass,
and all their glory is like the flowers of the field;
the grass withers and the flowers fall,
25but the word of the Lord stands forever."[c] And this is the word that was preached to you.

1 Peter 2

1Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind. 2Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, 3now that you have tasted that the Lord is good.

The Living Stone and a Chosen People

4As you come to him, the living Stone—rejected by men but chosen by God and precious to him— 5you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood, offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ. 6For in Scripture it says:
"See, I lay a stone in Zion,
a chosen and precious cornerstone,
and the one who trusts in him
will never be put to shame."[d] 7Now to you who believe, this stone is precious. But to those who do not believe,
"The stone the builders rejected
has become the capstone,[e]"[f] 8and,
"A stone that causes men to stumble
and a rock that makes them fall."[g] They stumble because they disobey the message—which is also what they were destined for.
9But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. 10Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.

11Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul. 12Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us.

Coupons...coupons...coupons...

I know.. you haven't heard much from me (oh wait - I said that at the beginning of my last post, huh). OK, I'll just get to it. I know I have a lot of catching you up to do... I know I've been slack. I know I have lots going on. I know you're probably wondering (maybe) what I've been up to. So... here's part of it.

I love coupons. I love being a frugal nut. I love coming home from the store and recalling item by item what I paid for things when they are a deal, and lamenting over paying too much for something - and Steve my endearing, amazing, and patient husband takes it all in. He listens half-cheerfully but always supportive. He thinks I'm nuts a good bit of the time - but I know he's grateful. I admit it. It's kinda like hunting for girls who have no desire to pick up a shotgun and go out after some buck or sweet Bambi drinking at a gentle brook. But getting a great deal?? Yeah - you name it! I'm in!!! I love it.

When I lived in Atlanta, I spent a great deal of time shopping at Kroger. I miss Kroger. But they doubled my coupons. No questions - they doubled any and every coupon I used, up to the value of 50 cents I think. They loved it. When I moved here to Oregon I was bummed - no regular double coupons. Seriously. Then...it seemed as though the coupon selection in the Sunday paper wasn't the same - smaller in fact, much smaller.

Then I was re-inspired. Chele (my coupon bud and dear friend) told me one of the girls from her small group was a coupon crazy lady (smile) and was going to talk to her group and anyone else who wanted to come hear about how she coupons and where she finds the deals. So...sure, I'll go. Disillusioned I'll check it out. I'm never going back. There's no reason. You will find deals if you look for them. So... here are a few tips -

Step 1: Buy the Sunday paper - or get someone you know to pass on their coupons to you. (I used to be able to swipe them from my parents when I lived in the ATL - I miss them, and their coupons!) Dollar Tree is a great place to get the Sunday paper btw. It's also not unusual for me to get 2-4 copies of the paper. I know that sounds nuts, but it'll make sense in a moment.

or... Step 1A: Go to Coupons.com, redplum.com and smartsource.com to select and print the coupons you'd like! Yes, you can print coupons from online. YOu can typically print 2 copies of each coupon... so easy. Also - some grocery stores allow you to store your coupons on your frequent shopper card (although I haven't done this yet).

Step 2: cut out the coupons. Seems simple enough. You actually have to cut them in order to use them. When I buy more than 1 copy of the paper, I stack like pages so that I can cut 2-4 pages at a time, vs. 1 coupon at a time from 1 page at a time (does that make sense...I hope so...just in case --- I take all the outside covers and stack them together, then cut the coupons from that page, and so on). Why would I want more than 1 coupon for something? Great question. Let's say cereal is on sale for 3/$6. Then I have $1 coupons off a box of cereal. Then I have 3 Albertson's double coupons (they can typically have in the paper 3 coupons good for a double of your coupon up to $1). OK, so following - 3 for $6 cereals - minus 3 $1 off coupons takes us to $3. But...if I add Albertson's double...guess what??? FREE CEREAL!!! WOO!HOO!! And yes, this is totally do-able and possible.

Step 3: I alphabetize my coupons by brand name and put them in an organizer. It kinda looks like a bill organizer (although you'll probably see another post about moving all my coupons to a notebook in baseball card style pages for easy access... ) Anyway - so organize the coupons with what works best for you.

Step 4: I have a a few blogs to check that are in my top sites mac spaces. This makes couponing easy for me...because this great gals go through the stores/ads and tell you the great deals to play - it makes it a lot easier, especially just starting out - so check out... frugallivingnw.com; moneysavingmom.com;thebargainjargon.com. I watch for FREE and overage deals. I watch for places where I can get a gift card back for certain purchases. Or rebate checks (Rite-Aid rebates are SOOOOO easy!)

Step 5: Make a list!! I know...seriously? Yes - going in "blind" without a plan could have you spending more $$$ than you want or need to. So I have typically have multiple lists (yeah, I've gotten to where I could make quick visits to Albertsons, Safeway, Target, Fred Meyer & Rite Aid). The reason I have my list (and take it) is sometimes stores have unadvertised sales, or close-outs at their stores that can be better than the advertised deal I'm thinking of utilizing. so...I can cross it off the list and get it for the better deal.

Step 6: Get shopping. Enjoy it! Be prepared for people to stop you and ask you how you do this. Be super super super overly kind to the check-out people. Learn their names.

What I still want to learn??? I'm still looking for the best way to get real deals on meat. That's the biggest way I haven't been able to save on a more consistent basis. Yes, I watch for sales... but... I haven't seen anything here that is great. So... does anyone know of a great meat market in Salem or a great place for good meat at a great price?? I'd love to hear.

I know this is sort of couponing by way of firehose --- a spew so to speak... but... don't get overwhelmed. Just enjoy it!! I'd be glad to help ya' out if you want to talk it through...or come over sometime and clip coupons and chat about it... I know...some of you think I'm nuts. Some of you are thinking - way cool - but no way. Some of you are ready to go to the nut house with me. I've gotten enough free or nearly free stuff to be hooked for life. So... yeah. Come join the fun.

"Everyday Greatness" - a great book...

About time I blogged again huh? Little did I know I'd say something about wanting to read more...and then have it take me so long to let you know how I'm doing with that. Yes - I've been reading more. I've read quite a bit actually. Most have been shorter-style books - mostly related to ministry stuff I admit --- mostly related to something we're excited about for student ministries this fall... and this book is no doubt included in that list.

I'll be honest - when I joined in the Thomas Nelson blog review team I thought I wanted to snag a book that would be an easy read, simple, so that I could move quickly to the next one. I picked Everyday Greatness, by Steven Covey. It mentioned articles from other authors that I have interest in and enjoy so thought, sure, why not, that'll be a good first book. Again - I thought it'd be an easy quick read to just check off my list. HA!HA! Little did I know the nuggets of wisdom I would find (and am still finding and will continue to find inside the cover).

Everyday Greatness is a compilation of stories and insights from those who would be considered "well-known" and many who I would call "should-be-known". Targeting about 19 different character traits or schools of thought that clearly transform lives - you read 2-3 real-life stories that pinpoint the heart of these traits. Afterwards you find quotes, questions to ponder, and thoughts from Covey. This is why this book has been something to pour over - not just plow through. It's taken me on a personal journey of discovering a deeper desire to live my life with purpose to make the most of every moment - to honor the calling and opportunities that come my way - to take a look at what really is important to me, and to challenge me to not take for granted the chances that come my way to make a difference. In the big - the small - in my attitude, my actions, my heart, my challenge to others - by my example, my speech and my beliefs.

Personally this book has been an encouragement and a challenge. As a youth pastor, I've honestly thought about having this book be the framework for our curriculum for the year - it's literally spelled out - and an important challenge to our students today. I'd say it's much more like a daily read/study/devotion type book than a sit down and read straight through book. Not to say you couldn't do that. You totally can - but for where I've been, where my heart is, the journey I'm on - it's worked better for me to go steady and slow. And that's why it's taken me a while to blog about it. Get it. It's worth it. But go into it asking God to change you from the inside out, so that you can change the world. It makes it soooo much better with that framework.

I want to read more...so...

I don't know about you - but how often do you read? I do read a bunch online - that counts (someone on my team told me that recently, and I was sooooooo relieved). But honestly, most of my "book" reading has been kids books, or the occasional book I skim or scout in prep for messages or work stuff. OK, well, maybe I've read more than I give myself credit for. But bottom line - I want to read more.

I remember being in high school and having all that "required" reading - and not wanting to do it. You were making me - I wasn't choosing it. I would get the reading list and read the books during the summer at my own pace so that when it came up at some point during the school year I could review and skim for class discussions (I know - I just showed my age - this was prior to the age of summer reading requirements...). Anyway - so what's my excuse now? I used to read allllllllll the time. Now - not so much. It could be time. It could be content. I don't know. I want to read more.

So... I recently started following Michael Hyatt on Twitter . He's the CEO of Thomas Nelson Publishing. I'm not exactly sure how it started, but he actually requested to follow me first - HA! a shock to me - so I figured sure - why not. I've already found myself reading more after following him. Not because of the number of tweets he sends out each day (which I admit are alot) but because of what he sends out. Links to articles or to his blog - he even posted his daily reading list, how he sets it up, etc. I have so much to learn to make the most of my time in this arena... but...

One of the things I found by following him is the Blogger book review program you can be part of with Thomas Nelson - you agree to write book reviews and post them to your blog, and to a retail consumer site, and they send you the book for free. Pretty cool. So, I've requested my first book - a Steven Covey - Everyday Greatness. Watch for an update on that in the coming weeks. Now I want to read, and have to - if I want to get another book. I hope this turns out to be fun for all of us.

So...I'll probably get in gear with this and start writing about some of the other books I've read lately that I really like. And... tell me what you've read lately that I just shouldn't miss!! I'd love to know...

I'm back...it's been toooooooo long

OK...so we've just gotten back from a looooonnnggggg time away from home. Back to the ATL for time with friends and fam, and then off to Michigan for a vacay with fam there too. Both were wonderful... one was complete whirlwind... one was complete rest... both were refreshing and fun to just be all day with our fam. When Steve went back to work on Monday I really didn't know what to do. I loved just looking across the room and seeing him there...every day...2+ weeks... aaaaaaahhhhhhh... He's the best...

So - I've got to get a little more consistent in this blogging thing. I did pretty good for a long time, and I've just been out of it for a while. Busy? Tired? Juggling a bunch? Yeah, maybe. But I don't really think that's gonna change at all... but I like doing this - really I do. I don't really know that it matters to anyone else, but who knows...hopefully it helps us connect on a different level - sharing ideas, thoughts, randomness together... so...here's some randomness...

Let's start with MJ - can I just say I'm kinda tired of all the speculation on what caused his death? I mean, please people (namely media outlets) - can't you just let the coroners office do their thing and give the results. I saw on 3 different news shows moderators asking viewers to send in (via Twitter or Facebook) their ideas of what caused Michael's death. Really? Seriously? Is that where the news has come? Hey viewers...tell us what you think could be news and we'll make it the news... UGH!!! So frustrating... I honestly remember the original Thriller days. My brother got the album...I didn't. But it sure was played a bunch in our house. We didn't have MTV (man, I'm showing my age huh - album...no cable or MTV...sigh...), so we had to see the videos at other people's houses. I remember watching the famed intro of the moonwalk and being amazed. I remember watching the Jackson 5 cartoon program. Michael (and the rest of his family) brought much to our music culture...and still do. It's going to be cool to hear the recordings, of which there are supposed to be bunches, when they get released...but it's also gonna be sad as people fight over the rights, the proceeds, etc. I could go on and on about MJ...but I won't...

I will say, that with his death, along with Farrah Fawcett, Ed McMahon, David Carradine, and today Karl Malden...there's been a bunch of talk of legacy - things these entertainment icons have done, stood for, supported. It makes me look at myself and think, am I really doing all I can do...do people really know where I stand...am I as passionate as I could be for the things that truly matter to me...and to the Lord? I know I can do better. I want to do better. Not for the sake of doing more stuff...or even being known by anyone...but just to honor God with my life. Yep - I just want to honor Him by giving Him my best. I know I don't do that every day. Do you? How? What's the key for you?? I'd love to hear...

Rabbit Trails... Have you ever noticed that it's soooo easy to get distracted when you're on the internet? Right now I have 4 different internet windows open, and on 2 of them, the number of tabs open exceed the length of the window so that I can't see the others. I was doing some prep for messages this weekend, and a link on a site caught my eye, which led me to get distracted and just keep searching on something else. It doesn't even relate to what I was researching and preparing for...but it caught my eye...and it bugs me. I'm not really going to get into the "what it was"... yet. I really am looking at this discussion so that I feel as though I can truly talk about it intelligibly. I'm not there yet. But isn't it interesting that you can be on a site you truly appreciate, only to have it linked to something that makes you shake your head.

I remember taking a class in college, where literally the answer to every question on the final exam was "it depends." The prof drilled that into our brains - every single day. You had to be prepared to give your answer, based on giving circumstantial support for why that was the right answer, and give an alternate answer for some circumstance that would be different. I'm not saying that the views of what I was researching are alternate to the link - but it was just one of those things that caught me off guard to see something I totally agreed with linked to something I totally didn't. (sorry...not meaning to make you more confused, or curious). Maybe it is just proof of one of those instances where it's not a "deal-breaker" to disagree on some things. Although the link would say differently. It would say this topic is leading Christianity to the ultimate of liberalism... I don't agree. OK, I'm not making sense...moving on.

I think I might be allergic to dogs. When we lived in Atlanta, and had 2, I always always always attributed my scratchy, irritated eyes and sniffles to the ever present pollen in the air (and dust, and horses...and all that other stuff I'm allergic to). When we moved to Oregon we soon noticed that I wasn't having those problems any more. And since there isn't yellow snow in Oregon (i.e. spring pollen so think that it coats everything around you...) we were convinced that it was a pollen issue. Well...this week we are enjoying dog-sitting for our friends. He's such a great and sweet dog, who adores Steve (who doesn't?) and adores me almost as much (when Steve isn't around). But last time he was here...my eyes starting itching the 2nd day, and sniffles set in... and this time...it's the same. I don't want to be allergic to dogs. I love them. My kids are praying that I'll feel better and that God will help me not to be allergic to dogs, because they really want one (hang on kiddos - we gotta get a fence first). Me too. I don't want this to happen. (Note...to my friends who own this beloved pup... no worries...we love this little pup and are taking great care of him. Noah & KJ are doing a fab job...he's doing GREAT!)

OK... this is long enough for now. I'm committed to this. I'll keep it up. If I don't - drive me nuts til I post again... Chao...for now...

a big week ahead...

So...after having the flu two weeks ago, I feel like last week was a blur and a chance to try to catch up... at the end of the week I think I felt more like I wasn't caught up than I did when the week started...and now, it's Monday morning already. And it's sooooo time for me to go to sleep. But... I also know I'm way overdue for here...so... here's a glimpse into my world...

*Busy...I think my schedule is practically full Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday. I'll be ready for a 'break' Thursday...but that's when more catching up will have to take place.

*Stretch...I'm meeting with a life coach this week. Something new...something different...something that is such a stretch for me, because it's waayyyyy not something I would typically think about or do, but...it was a generous gift and so... I'm stepping into something new. I have a good bit of pre-work still to do...goal setting, evaluating, reflection... this should be interesting...

*Planning...lots of "stuff" coming up church wise...service night next week, Wheel of Fortune in April, All Night Party is coming quick... Plus there's spring break fast approaching which definitely needs some activity, summer trip plans to see family & friends..., quick Oregon getaways we want to do...whew! Good thing I like to plan events...

*Laughing...Noah has had me laughing all weekend, which I needed because it's also been a highly reflective, thinking weekend as well (that's a blog for another day when I'm not processing on such a big level - one friend received this crazy long email after asking me a simple question...I'll save you all from that stream of consciousness...and hopefully give a more succinct but still real synopsis)...wait...I was talking laughing here... I am really making sure I take time to just laugh with my kids & hubby... Steve had me laughing at his blog (check it out @ www.steveunwin.blogspot.com ), and at tv, and lots more... the kids...we just love to laugh, and read, and play...

*Frogging & bird-watching...we have a bullfrog somewhere in our back yard...we are determined to find this thing...not to eat or catch, but just to befriend. I love hearing him "talking" back there...reminds me of living on the Yellow River in Georgia and all the wildlife we used to see and hear... and... the birds are starting to come... with being in a new subdivision and not having any trees in our backyard, we've been wondering if we'd see anything other than the 3 black crows that hang out in the dirt...but...this past couple of days we're seeing more... time to pull out our Oregon bird book - oh wait - I have a walking Oregon bird book in Kaylee --- we can just ask her. Time to find the bird feeders and get them out!

*Sleeping...I should do that now. Even though I'm wide awake...with the time shift with daylight savings time...ok...I'm forcing myself to turn this thing off and go to bed.

Good night friends...keep bugging me if I don't send an update soon. I am committed to getting in gear, get organized, blog, and get some things done... ready?? I hope I am...

Thanks...

so...it's rare in my world that I get in the blahs - I'm not talking about those inconsequential blahs, the ones I gripe and complain about (like the weather...)...I'm talking about just one of those points where I'm a little down. Yep - that'd be now.

My uncle passed away yesterday. He's soooooooooo much better off. He's been fighting Parkinson's disease for such a long time, and while in those moments I've gotten to spend with him over the last 5 years have been few, I cherished the moments... watching him with my kids - and remembering being at he & Margaret's house in Mississippi on vacations just makes me smile - trips to 7-Eleven for Barq's root beer, driving tractors & go-carts, playing Stryper's version of Battle Hymn of the Republic while he just spent 30 minutes telling me that southern gospel is the only real music out there, calling cousin's code (for a coke of course), running around with my cousin Carol Ann, listening to Styx with Cindy & Lindy in their room, BeBe always having stories... watching Al make computers, hearing stories of his boat trips taking supplies to the people of Haiti... and now...he's with Jesus...and my grandfather, my grandmother, my cousin Lindy, my great-uncle Whimpy (ok, that was his name...deal with it...) my great-aunt Flo...so many others...

Thanks Lord for sharing Al with us all these years... will you get him a cup of coffee - he prefers a clear coffee mug... and give him a hug from me... Thanks... I'm so grateful for heaven....

Come on...you know you've felt the same way...

So...I've started a couple of entries this week, only to get a few sentences in and delete it. Why? Because honestly...there are times when I think/believe - no one is reading this - why does it matter? Who cares about my obviously random thoughts, experiences, beliefs, cares, frustrations...and why on earth would they spend their free time perusing them on the internet when there is so much more to see elsewhere... I don't know that I'm the only insecure dingbat in the blogosphere...but I honestly think I'm not alone.

So...it might take me a little while to put something else up, it might not. I'm putting undo pressure on myself to make it good, read-worthy, amazing, thought-provoking, memorable... Rarely have I sat here and deleted thinking "oh wait - so and so is gonna read this" - I think I'm a fairly open book... but I'm just trying to figure it out...

So...you amazing bloggers out there - the ones who write and share and feel and grasp this blogging thing so well...spur the girl on... I'm stuck.

holey socks...

OK...I have a confession...I wore socks today with giant holes in the heels. I didn't realize it when I put them on. And it made me a little sad...a little depressed. It's not necessarily a bad thing (to wear through your socks). Someone told me I should be proud that I thoroughly used them...a great way to have a positive perspective. I don't remember ever wearing through socks. I keep socks for years. I don't have lots of pairs of socks. They just haven't been a necessity for me. Honestly, I don' tlike them. I just haven't ever worn them that often. To me...it's a reminder that my feet long for flip-flops and to be sockless... And now... I have to start thinking about going to Fred Meyer for socks...which makes me one of those people I blogged about back during the holidays...although without the 50% off sale...hmmmmm....

Christmas 2008 --- I need a do-over.

Kaylee said, "Mom I got great gifts - I loved them all. But Mom, it was the worst Christmas ever." Yep ... she could be right.

Christmas Eve service was wonderful. We took up a whole row with our friends the Condello's and the Prins'. 6 adults, 6 kids. The worship center was pretty full for a 4:00 service. And I was ready. I love Christmas Eve service. I love singing the songs so focused on the miracle gift of Jesus. I love the finale of everyone being invited to come to the platform to sing Hallelujah chorus. I love the messages that direct my heart to the real blessings of the season. Jesus. Forgiveness. Salvation. Do overs. And this year - the best is yet to come. (The service isn't on our website or I would give you a link to listen to it...it was a good one.) Anyway ---- I was focused, grateful, adoring my Savior & my God...

The Condellos came over afterwards for games and fun - plus sandwiches, shrimp, and other yummies!! I was home about 3-5 minutes, when I started to not feel so good. The feeling wouldn't go away...and then...yep...that yucky spit. Let's just say the rest is history. The puke-fest would begin. I was miserable. I don't think I've ever been this sick. I spent a good bit of time upstairs. I didn't get a picture of the kids in their Christmas outfits - and for me...that's ridiculously bad. A sure sign that I was absolutely miserable. Once the Condellos left, we had little Christmas Eve projects - stuff stockings & wrap the last few stuffers, and...put together Noah's new bike. I love to wrap. I love putting stuff out and under the tree. Yeah - that didn't happen. I was miserable. I sat in front of our fireplace begging the warmth of the flame to melt away the agony. While it was a comfort it wasn't enough. I kept apologizing to Steve who wrapped all the presents - stuffed the stockings and assembled the bike. And early enough I was already up in bed. Yeah, I'm hardly ever in bed before Steve - I'm the night owl.

As I've said before, somewhere along this blogging journal...I am unfortunately a recipient of the Armbruster curse --- yes I snore. So, on some unfortunate nights, my husband may end up slumbering on the couch for the last hour or so of his sleep cycle because the symphonic noises he hears are not exactly the sleepy soothing kind. So, when I woke up about 4:30 and realized he wasn't in bed, part of me thought I was snoring - then I thought maybe he was sleeping on the couch to not catch my germs. Then I heard him. Uh, oh. We broke the parent rule. Both parents cannot be sick at the same time. I slowly made my way down the stairs to commisserate in agony with my man - me on the loveseat, him on the couch and we groaned in pain together. Noah was up early ready for Christmas (about 6:30)...and Steve...he went back to bed. The kids were sooooo patient because we had told them that at 7:00 it would be time to open presents... They waited until 7:30. They were great.

Now I don't know how it was in your house growing up, but the "standard" seems to be that parents kinda "stack" the gifts - they say, yeah, you can open this one, wait hold on that one a little bit. Today - we just said - find the one with your name on it and open it. They looked at each other for a moment of "seriously - did mom just say that?" And then they bolted - they knew exactly what they wanted to open. We didn't dictate order or anything. Sure - open whatever you want. And they loved it. Paper covered every inch of the floor and they were thrilled. Once we finished opening gifts, Steve was back in bed. I was asleep on the couch and slowly they began to open and play with everything they got that day. They were fabulous. They were patient. They were entertaining. They were best friends. They were amazing. Steve and I...while bodily present - we were miserable. We couldn't walk. We could barely lift our heads. The Condellos saved the day...again...and brought us Gatorade and crackers and chicken noodle soup. (At dinner time they brought the kids turkey & mashed potatoes). We couldn't even open the door. Poor kids - when they wanted something opened - they would bring me the box and the scissors to cut through all those stupid twist-ties on the back side of kids items...I would fall back asleep and 10 minutes later they'd say Um mom - weren't you going to open that. Oh yeah - I was.

I was reminded all day to pray for John. I had no energy. No stamina. I couldn't move. It was a day. He'd been like that for what - 7 weeks. I was reminded of how I take for granted how amazing my kids are. How I wished I could care for my hubby but couldn't. How I was grateful that I knew God was watching out for me and pleading with him to spare the kids from this yuck. And in the midst of those fleeting thoughts found Him in the midst of misery. There's soooooo much of that day or two I want to do over. But I learned a lot too. I can't give that day back to the kids. I wish I had video of them opening stuff...and being as excited about every single gift in the exact same way - whether a big lego set or a bottle of bubble bath --- they just called out "I love it" and ran to find the next thing. I can't give them a different memory of the day. I can't promise that next year will be different. I can't count the number of times I said I'm sorry to them. I wish I could have been even more focused on Him. I can't take that back either. I am truly grateful for my kids, my friends, my hubby...and for Jesus. Truly truly grateful. I don't always understand the experiences in life...but...I love Him. I trust Him. But man...I'd still like a do-over.