A most embarassing moment...

And no...I don't have video or pics of this one. (well, not of me) In the midst of "Arctic Blast 2008" there was a day mid-week where the snow had tapered and the roads were somewhat clear (don't get me started on how bad the roads were and how there's no gear to clear them --- but I won't really complain - it's fun being stuck at home). Speaking of stuck...

So...the roads cleared up and I decided to bravely head out in the van to the grocery store to pick up a few more things. I'm a Southern girl - haven't spent much time driving on snow - especially like this - so I cautiously headed out. And it really wasn't that bad. Our street was sketchy, but once I really got to a main road, it was pretty good. Slushy towards the middle but good. So...off I go to Fred Meyer (which is the Oregon name for Kroger). I was inside for oh, about 45 minutes, and ended up with a cart full. I check out and head towards the door to find that it's snow pouring again. I'd bet we'd had 2 since I'd entered the store. And as I mentioned streets weren't necessarily great - and parking lots were bad - so I started to push my cart into the parking lot full of slush and 2 more inches of snow on top of that. (Do you really have this mental image - shopping cart wheels heading into slush and snow, about 4-6 inches think...and me pushing the cart? Yeah, you see where this is going)

I get the cart out into the middle of the lanes of traffic that run in front of the store --- and I get stuck. I mean stuck. I'm trying to push and pull my cart - and the more I try to push or pull, the more stuck I get. I mean stuck. I mean really stuck. really really stuck. Ok, enough of that. To make matters worse, there are cars in said parking lot - and they are not wanting to get stuck - instead they have incredibly nutsy drivers who choose to drive past you and around you. Or pull up right next to you and just HONK THEIR HORNS!! Seriously? You can't tell that I'm appalled and embarrassed enough - you have to truly anniliate any semblance of self-esteem I have left to belittle me with honking your horn at me. I look up (literally almost in tears) kind of do the sheepish wave - and move to the front of the cart to pull it through the parking lot (oh - I forgot to mention I'm only 2 parking spaces back in the parking lot - so the end is sooooooo in sight but so far away). I'm going no where. NO WHERE! So here's where the ridiculous becomes absurd. It was 15 minutes before someone finally came alongside me to say - hey, do you need some help! 15 MINUTES!!! Yes, I wrestled with my cart and grocery loot for 15 minutes by myself as car after car passed by, and their drivers honked, glared, sighed, yelled and belittled my very stuck existence and stupidity. Now - once this delightful Good Samaritan helped it only took 2-3 minutes to get my very heavy grocery laden torturous wheeled machine to my van. He pulled the front end while I pushed from the handled side. And most honestly, when it wasn't loaded with groceries it moved much better - and I was able to manuever it to the return cart area much easier than moving it to the van.

To make matters that much more embarrassing - I head back towards our house, by way of the Williams' house -because I had dropped off Steve & the kids to sled with them while I went to the store (reasonable enough). Only I assumed that as I entered the house and encountered my beloved spouse and dear friends that I would find compassion, comraderie in pain & suffering, empathy and support. Um....no. As I share my story the more I say the more laughter erupts from the deepest parts of the bellies of Erik & Steve...and Jeanne-Ann wasn't tooooo far behind (but she wasn't as bad as the boys). I wasn't ready to laugh yet. I couldn't believe it. My man - this one who pledged to love me for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, in sunshine & snow laughed so hard he was crying. And...when he & Erik are together if one starts to laugh the other laughs harder, causing the first to laugh harder and they can't stop. Um, yeah - I needed the "I'm so sorry that happened to you" "That's terrible" "how dare those mean spiteful people drive passed you and honk at you while you sit and try to move in ultimate misery and embarrassment." Nope. Not from this crew. My humiliation only continued... Sigh...oh well. (By the way - thank you Chele for calling in the midst of my ongoing humiliation and telling me honestly and wholeheartedly the things I needed to hear...)

Someday I'll be able to look back and laugh. I'm almost there now...but still not quite. I'm glad I can fuel my husband & friends' entertainment... Next time I'm in that position --- I'll just leave my cart at the curb and drive my car over and unload into the van from there. I know better now. I learned from my mistake, misfortune & humiliation. Better yet - I'll just send Steve out with the list.

Let it snow...let it snow...let it snow...

As I said - we had no idea. It started snowing on Saturday, December 13th. We had snow almost every day through December 25th. One day we had lots of rain, but it was really cold and there was ice on the roads. Another day rain the am, and snow by the late afternoon which brought us over a foot in just a couple of hours...then more steadily over the next couple of hours. At it's height we had 15-18 inches in our yard. Yep - it was soooooo fabulous!

We did lots of night time play! The kids ended up being out of school the whole last scheduled week of classes in December - which meant a 3 week Christmas break. Did we get tired of it? Nope - well, Steve did on a bad driving and snow downpour day - I'll have to tell him to blog about that one and I'll post a link to it when he does... Anyway - night play was a blast. We did snow angels and built snow men. One night we decided to give the kids an early Christmas present and pulled out the sled that they should have gotten as a gift 10 days later...but this snow was a gift and we had no idea how long it was going to stick around. YIPPEE! It was so much fun. Of course the kids thought it was a blast to be out after dark in the snow - staying up late. Drinking hot chocolate! WOO!HOO!! Did I say it was fun?

We spent lots of time at the school playing on the field - climbing the tree - sliding on the slide (oh, I should post that video too) - building an igloo - walking on frozen water patches in the backyard - throwing snowballs...I absolutely loved it all! At it's peak we had about 5-7 inches covered by a layer of ice, covered by another 10-12 inches...the ice was super freaky on the roof, thinking of it falling on someone below. But - the kids loved trying to break off big pieces of it. We built a Pooh & Piglet snow sculpture over at the school - one of the times I didn't have the camera with me...sorry. We loved that we couldn't see our Christmas lights outlining our yard because of the depth of the snow. (or loved the nights when the lights melted the snow away and the lights shone through the snow - way cool). Favorite Noah quotes: "we live in a snowglobe" and "this is the goodest night of my life" Kaylee was just so excited she talked about 2 octaves higher for most of the time... Here are some of my favorite pics. I loved it. Did I say that? It was a blast! Did I say that too? While I don't necessarily love the 3 days being added to the school year --- I'll gladly say - bring some more --- especially like that snow... WOO!HOO!!!

our 2008 Christmas tree...

So...when we decorated the Christmas tree this year (Man we loved our tree...I should tell that story first)...let's start again.

We loved our Christmas tree this year. We were trying to find a "dry" day to go, and Steve had seen a sign just a short ways from our house pointing towards a tree farm (we like cutting down our tree). Anyway - so...the rain stops, things clear and we decide, fairly last minute, to head out to pick up the tree. The Condellos and us hop in cars and head off to a tree farm, literally just 3 or 4 miles from the house (in Michelle measurement standards). Really, it's super close.

We start to head towards the trees, and love the first tree we see. Great color - great shape - just the right height. Well, you can't pick the first tree, right? So we "mark" our tree (no not the way you are thinking...we put a big stick towards the top of it so we'd remember which one it is...). Anyway , we move forward about 2 row and then stop and look at each other and start to chat realizing we've already found our tree why look any further? We totally could have been out there for an hour just looking around. Nope. You could say we took the easy way out --- but I'd say we just scored by finding our family tree right away. So we cut it, carried it, loaded it and brought it home. WOO!HOO!!!

Traditions for tree in our house - we have a home-made tree skirt. Super fancy let me tell ya'. It's a white sheet - wait for it - that we put handprints on each year. So it's kinda cool to watch the kids hands grow. They pick the color paint they want to use, stamp their handprint and then write their names. Next, we alternate between the kids who gets to put the angel on top. And this year couldn't remember whose turn it was...Kaylee was sure it was her turn. Noah was sure it was his. Well sure - who doesn't want to put the angel on top of the tree. So...we resorted to looking at last years pics, and....drum roll please - it was KAYLEE'S turn! She was SOOOOOOO excited. In the midst of decorating the rest of the tree, the kids put our snowflake ornaments close to the window to remind the outside that we wanted to see snow for Christmas...yeah - we had nooooo idea...

Anniversary #18...and a little "lump" and a "snow" delay...

So...December 15th. A big day in Unwin family history and story. The day me and my man got married!!! 1990. Wow! 18 years ago! Are you kidding me? Has it been that long? We're approaching that we've been together nearly half of our lives point. Whoa. Crazy. Unbelievable. Fabulous!

So...we only talked about our anniversary for like a month or more before it came - PF Changs...movie...walk & talk. WOO!HOO!! Simple but that's us...just being together is a good thing. A date. YIPPEE!! So...date night #1, a few days before our anniversary got shifted - strep throat. That's right. Oh do I have pics of this? I don't know. Pics of what you ask? Let me tell you.

Noah had a bit of a month in December. He was acting not quite with it...so I kept him home for two days --- he was sooooo sad to miss school, but he was weak, complaining of a tummy ache, just not himself. So...stay home. 2nd day we went to the doctor with him - not because of being pale or not eating but because he had a huge lump (no not a little lump) a giant lump on his neck. Visible. Lumpy. A little freaky. Off to the doctor we go - our favorite doc wasn't in, but we knew he had to be seen. No other "real" symptoms - no fever, ears & throat clear, nothing - if you call a giant neck lump nothing. He said just keep watching Noah - it was probably just a lymph node infection that will go away, but could take 30 days or more! (WHAT!??!!) So...home we go - ibuprofen, blah, blah, blah. He's feeling more like himself the next day --- still no "other" symptoms - so off to school he goes. By Thursday(6 days later) this giant lump is ginormous (is that a word)...so back to the doctor after school. Long story short...my dear boy - Strep...again!! UGH!! Why didn't I get them to test him before. And...Kaylee is along for the ride...who has a sore throat...guess what --- double. Two sick kids. Poor things. They were great sports, but had to stay home... And since strep is contagious...we didn't want to expose our baby sitter to it...so...postponement of celebrating the best hubby ever. (Note - kids went on antibiotics...Noah's neck swelling went down after about 5 days...)

Let's just go out on Sunday after church. Okey dokey. Only to have the beginning of the winter blast (oh wait - they called it Arctic Blast 08)...north of us was worse (which is where PF Changs is...) and the roads were getting worse. So...postponement #2. Only to have school cancelled the whole next week for weather - to get ridiculously fun amounts of snow over the next 8-9 days...at one point it was 18" deep!!WOO!HOO!! But...when they are cancelling work for Steve's company for a WEEK...yeah, it's not necessarily the best travelling conditions. No offense to the area...but yeah, they don't have the equipment to handle the crazy snow we got...so...postpone some more...

So...fast forward to today...still waiting...there have been all kinds of things that have happened...out of our control...so PF Changs is on hold. But you know what. Regardless...I've got the best man there is. My apologies to all of you out there who are married - my man is the best there is. He is absolutely the best. Absolutely fab. Absolutely mine... I'm so grateful for him. Maybe I need to figure out a way to scan pics so you can see us on our "big day" - big hair, puffy sleeves and all... I love ya' babe! Here's to our do-over!! I'm so glad we're Mr. & Mrs. Steve Unwin!!

OK...I admit it...I'm behind...

Well...December 2008 brought lots of fun...lots of ick too. We had 15-18 inches of snow in our yard and the school playground...so, needless to say we were outside a bunch...the kids were out of school the whole last week they were supposed to have classes in December...so they got a 3 week break! WOW! Then...Christmas, which I usually love, but Steve & I got sick sick sick...ok...this is too bullet point for a girl who is usually way to long winded. Let's do this. I promise here and now to catch up. Here are the topics I will tell you all about...
Anniversary #18
Snow, Snow, Snow
Shopping in the snow...
Christmas 08 - ick!
I love my kids
Christmas - thoughts on my heart
Jennifer's visit
What's up for 2009?

OK...that's enough for now...if/when I think of more...I will put those in too...I promise...I'll get caught up... =)

The song I've been singing in my head all day...

OK...so I heard this song driving into church this morning...it hasn't left my head all day. Not in that annoying kinda way songs can do, but in the way that I have rested in the One True God that I know... Oh to know Him more... Oh to rest in Him... The quality of this audio isn't necessarily the best...but you'll get the point...and probably hear it on the radio soon. It's simple...I like it. I hope you do too.

One True God, by Mark Harris

You can following this link to hear the song...here are the lyrics...

I don't have a God I can put on a stand
Or a God I hold in the palm of my hand
I have a God that's holding me
And I don't have a God that I can create
In the place I live with the money I make
I have a God, He made everything
So I don't need a temporary man made deity
When I got the real thing
I got the real thing

He's the Lord of all the earth
The maker of all things
He alone is the one true God
Kingdoms rise and fall
But even through it all
He remains
The one true God

I don't have a thing that I got on my own
I don't have a care that I carry alone
But I have a God who's carrying me
I don't have sin that He doesn't forgive
And I don't have a heart that is worthy of His
But I have a God who still loves me
So I don't need a temporary man made deity
When I got the real thing
I got the real thing

Who is this King of Glory
The Lord strong and mighty
Who is this King of Glory
The Lord strong and mighty
Who is this King of Glory
Who is this King of Glory


So I didn't know it was Mark Harris while I was driving down the road...or until about 30 minutes ago when I looked it up. This made me smile. Back in the day when I was with Youth for Christ I got to travel a bit to conferences and retreats...and part of being part of the "crew" was being backstage to meet and hang with artists. One such trip I got to sit and get to know the guys from 4Him. Yes, I know...they aren't together anymore. It's old school. But here's what I loved about it...these were just real guys who love the Lord and loved to sing and were friends. It was a great thing to see and witness. And so...it just reminded me of a little time I sat in a Perdido Key, Florida talking with them while we waited for the program to begin... Wow...that was a flashback...ok...sorry --- get back to listening...and singing to our One True God.

A little Christmas cheer...

Clark Griswold would be so proud...

Delete...

OK...so I just wrote about 2/3 of a blog...and then, deleted it. Why? I don't know that it really made sense to me - not the words (ok, some of them), but the thoughts I was trying to process in writing. I think. Or was I just afraid to post it? I don't think so. Was I wondering what people would think when they read it? Nah... I don't usually think so hard about what I'm writing. Maybe I'm just wrestling...thinking too hard. Reading too much into absolutlely nothing. Or maybe, I'm seeing part of me that I haven't really paid attention to before. Eeeeeek. That could be it. I'm not a super introspective kinda girl. I'm not a big processor. I'm kinda one of those here it is, figure it out, move on kinda people (I think). That's why I think I deleted it. I'm processing. I don't typically work this way. So...who knows, maybe I'll put it in writing a little better for next time. For now...I guess I can just say, hmmmm... next time I'll try not to delete...like now.

If I wrote the rules...

I know I don't get to write the rules of life. I know it doesn't go my way. But, after spending a few hours out in the hustle bustle and chaos of early morning Black Friday shopping it reminded me of my days working retail in the shoe department at JC Penneys. And reminded me of a life-rule I thought of waaaaaaaay back then... I honestly believe that everyone, every person who ever purchases a holiday gift (or intends to enter a retail establishment around Christmas or the holidays) MUST work retail, and MUST work at least one Black Friday and one day after Christmas. You just have no clue about how those days really run until you see it from the company side.

When you look at the consumer side, you get tunnel-visioned (or at least you can). I decided to go out shopping for the 2nd time in my life at the break of day, before the sun rises (which you know is a gigantic stretch for me...). The kids have their "wish" lists...and the major things on the list were mostly 50% or more off...so...for me it was worth it to get my backside out of bed @ 4 am (YIKES!) to head to Wal-Mart. I left knowing that if I didn't get everything I wanted, it was ok. I'm not going to lose Christmas spirit over a sale.

Flashback about 4 years to when I visited Wal-Mart the day after Thanksgiving to get a dual screen DVD player. I had no clue that year that people have created an art of the after Thanksgiving sale. They have lists, maps, plans, agendas, partners & co-conspirators. I pulled in the parking lot just before they opened (I don't remember if it was 4 or 5 am) and was SHOCKED to find the parking lot overloaded and people already in the store. I parked in the last row of parking spaces in one of the furthest out spots (not even really in their parking lot). Walked in, and went to where the dvd players were. I was done. I could have been out of the store in 10 minutes. But decided just to check out the rest of the story. It was a frenzy - especially in electronics & toys. And that location still had layaway - and there were people waiting in line with 2 carts while their co-horts raced around the store to grab items and stick them in the carts and head out again. Hysterical to this 1st timer.

This year wasn't much different. Since the store is open 24 hours, people were already inside. I arrived about 4:45 (sales started @ 5 am). And the store was NUTS! I mean NUTS! There were people everywhere - carts everywhere - I heard all kinds of plans brewing. And while I waited patiently to get my items I was pleasantly surprised to find people who were like me - just waiting patiently to get their "deal" - wanting to do something nice for a loved one or friend - showing generosity by sharing carts or letting people in close to them to get the item right @ 5 am. And man, you knew when it was 5 am. items were flying off displays faster than lightning. One woman, Norma, was very sweet - she and her husband had driven an hour and a half to be in Salem for Black Friday sales. Another woman talked about how she had already been to Kohl's and planned to be out of Wal-mart in 25 minutes to head off to Fred Meyer to buy socks (OHHHHHH...we gotta talk about that...)

OH...the sock thing. So...one store we like to frequent here is Fred Meyer - it is the "brother" store to Kroger where we shopped for groceries in Atlanta. On Thanksgiving I see an ad on tv for Fred Meyer - 50% off socks, showing dancing feet for the entire commercial. That's it. SOCKS! I turned to Steve and said that it was pretty ridiculous to have a sale where the only thing you can advertise is 50% off socks. What kind of sale is that? Well, come to find out apparently that's "the" thing here for day after Thanksgiving. Fred Meyers sock sale. Are you kidding me? Socks! Socks! Socks! That's it. Yep. Well, I've heard people talking about it (even in Wal-mart while waiting for their sale to begin)...but I still don't get it. Then again, I don't even like shoes either, remember. Either way - if you've never worked in retail...I dare you to get a retail job for the Christmas season. I triple-dog dare you. You'll NEVER look at shopping the same...and you'll appreciate those behind the counters, or trying to organize check-out lines, and those that are re-stocking the socks as fast as possible. But in the midst of it all, I say...don't let the preparation for the season keep you from celebrating the season...

OK...anyway - while there were the kind-hearted people, we were clearly outnumbered by the selfish, focused, unbelieveably focused and determined. They were every where. This was no more truly visible than the incredibly unfortunate incident at the Wal-Mart in Long Island where a worker lost their life just by trying to open the doors.

I don't get it. Honestly. I don't. Life is sooooo much more precious than stuff. People are sooooooo much more important than a deal. Lord, forgive us.

I believe...but I have so much to learn & so many ways to grow...

The last couple of weeks have been a drain. I admit - I'm not front lines on this. I'm not sitting in a hospital ICU waiting room. I'm not walking in to see the man I love, or my dad, in a physical condition that is unexplained and critical. But, this is all about someone who I admire - a family I adore - and my heart not being willing to surrender.

Our lead pastor, John Stumbo, has been in ICU at OHSU for almost 2 weeks. He's been in critical condition. You'll have to check the church website for all the updates (http://www.salemalliance.org/) - I say that not because I don't want to explain the story, but I know that I'll get the series of reports out of order, or I'll forget to paint the whole story, and I don't want to do that. John and his family deserve to have the story told correctly. I will say that John's been in critical condition - spent much time on a ventilator - has had excessive weakness and swelling - and while we know he's had a rare blood infection, we don't really know a good diagnosis of what's going on. We knew it was critical, but on 11/20 when they gathered us as a church staff at 9:45 in the am, we knew things were not good. We prayed fervently - approaching the throne of grace begging, pleading, petitioning for God, Jehovah-Raphe, our healer, to touch John in a miraculous way. And believing then (and still believing now) He can do it.

The decision was made to cancel all our Wednesday night activities (including Crash and kids activities) to have a prayer/praise service for the whole church family that night @ 7 pm. To say the worship center was packed out is an understatement. It was soooooooo amazing to see the "family" come together to sit at God's feet and pray for healing for John. I admit it. I haven't gotten to know him (or others) at church as well as I'd like to. But John has this way of getting right to the core of how you feel. A way of reaching in and knowing exactly where you are, and gently acknowledging it. I remember last Christmas at our Pastor/Elder Christmas gathering while sharing with everyone he looked in my eyes and says he knows some of us have sacrificed a lot to be sitting in the room - a simple statement that even now as I type cuts to my heart. He is annointed by God to do a mighty work. I truly believe it. I am grateful he is my pastor. I am grateful to learn and grow through his words and the words of the other teaching pastors on our team. I really like his wife Joanna. She is a kindred spirit of sorts. While our interractions have been too short and sweet...I really like her...plus, she loves Diet Coke as much as I love Coke. Whew! And Drew, their son, is a good friend - I've had a great time serving alongside him with the middle school ministry at SAC. He's such a blast... And it was not a stretch by any means to join with 1000+ others to beg God to heal John and to strengthen him & his family.

Now in that I admit - I'm selfish. God can choose to heal however he sees fit. (This is where the I believe but I have so much to learn comes in)... That night we had an amazing night of worship - I honestly felt lifted to heaven, being in God's presence and just singing to Him and resting in His presence. Then we start singing I Surrender All. I admit it. I couldn't sing it. (OK, brutal honesty coming here...) I couldn't sing it. I couldn't say I surrender all. I'm not willing to surrender John's physical healing. There - I've said it. I believe God can and will heal him. Even now as he is back on a ventilator. I believe God can heal him. I think I see surrender here (as I'm letting my pea-sized brain process it) as physical defeat. I'm not willing to surrender that. In that moment I felt like to say "I surrender" was saying I can stop praying. I can't. I can't stop. I can't stop begging God to heal John. I can't stop trusting God to heal John. I can't stop believing God can heal John. I won't. I know there is a bigger surrender here. Yet there was still part of me that couldn't utter the words. Call it whatever you want - but I know I have a lot to learn. I know I need to grow. But there's just something about admitting that you don't have it all together that is vulnerable - that is scary - that is frightening. There's also something selfish about thinking, God there is no other way that you can take care of this - or that I can't wait for the day when John is standing before the congregation to preach next, personally or corporately. I want to see him standing before us. I want to hear what God has to say to us through him. Is it selfish? Is it faith? Is it naive? No...I just think it's my heart. I'm not surrendering to the enemy who wants me to forget to pray. I'm not surrendering to the enemy who wants me to believe that God can't heal John. I'm not surrendering to the enemy who wants me to surrender hope. And I'm not surrendering the belief that John will be healed. And so...I hold on to these verses...

Isaiah 40:28-31 - Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Hebrews 4:16 - Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

Romans 15:13 - May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Hebrews 10:23 - Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.

And so...I hope. My hope alone is in Him. I don't get it. I don't understand it. I'd like some answers. I'd like healing to have happened 5 weeks ago, before the first hospital visit. But I hope. I believe. I trust. And God...Teach me to surrender. Thanks for grace when I hold on tightly to my dreams, and for gently prying my hands open and holding on to me as I let go of what I was holding on to. OK God - I surrender my selfishness to you. (ugh...that was hard to write...

All to Jesus, I surrender. All to Him I freely give.
I will ever love and trust Him - In His presence daily live.
I surrender all, I surrender all;
All to thee, my blessed Savior,I surrender all.
All to Jesus I surrender, humbly at His feet I bow
Wordly pleasures, all forsaken, take me Jesus, take me now.
I surrender all, I surrender all;
All to thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.